Proverbs 3:4
So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God & man.
Psalm 90:16
And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of The Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands-- yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it.
1 Samuel 16:7
God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outer appearance but God looks at the heart.
Matthew 5:16
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Zechariah 4:6
Not by might nor by power but by My spirit says The Lord.
Job 42:2
Job answered the Lord and said, "I know that You can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.
Philippians 1:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work in you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Ultimately the answer was "no". Poof and my dreams of serving God in another country while being able to still live reasonably comfortably, living somewhere else for a short time and truly experiencing new and different, having someone else clean the house,.... were gone. In that "no", God was so sweet and good to us, though. This clearly was not our time to be anywhere else but where we are.
Not long after that, Ken found out for sure that he was taking a business trip to Shanghai in March. Let me admit that I am a complete and total wimp when it comes to being away from my husband. I also didn't look forward to being "on" all by myself for most of a week. It's actually embarrassing. It took a lot of thinking to realize I was jealous. We love to travel and I was jealous he got to see/eat new things while I was at home with the kids by myself. Not pretty but thankfully we were able to talk through a lot of things thanks to the good stuff from him teaching Intimate Encounters. In the end, my support manager training in Virginia was the same week. Our parents graciously took care of the kids and his parents brought them back which was a big relief for me. And yet, I was still a mess. I cried; I didn't sleep well. The two together probably didn't help any. Still, I would say that separation and the preparation for it was one of the sweetest and most intimate times in our marriage.
While I was gone, I started wondering if I might be pregnant. All those really normal cycles I'd been having didn't happen in February/March and that's the pattern for my pregnancies with everyone else. I had bought two tests before I left. Took one the Monday before I left for training and it was negative. The next Monday, I woke up at 2 AM and took the other test. I've always hidden that ordeal from Ken and just told him when I had a plus but in light of all that had gone on in the month before, I shared the moment. There were two definite pink lines although the important one wasn't all that dark. That began the frequent blood work since my progesterone is always low. The day I went in for my first ultrasound to check for the heartbeat, Ken had a big presentation to give at almost the same time so he wasn't able to be there. Thankfully, the ultrasound was with my favorite nurse practitioner, Kelly, who was there with a good bit of our infertility treatments. We worked through my cycle and had a pretty good idea of how far along I was before she did the scan and there was baby, measuring right where he/she should be.
If you would've asked me in high school how many kids I wanted, I would have said 4. I loved the family dynamic of my Mom's family but really I think it was more who my aunts & uncles are. They're just fun! I didn't know that wasn't always the case. Those 4 years of trying to get pregnant with Coralee didn't take away that desire but it did temper me saying a number. It is very strange that 13 years after stopping birth control, dealing with infertility treatments, then waiting on God's timing for subsequent kiddos to have that intense desire fulfilled. Truly my fears have been stilled and strivings cease. I am thankful, humbled and awed because God could have chosen to leave that desire unfulfilled. I would look at Lauramae and think, really, this is not a bad way to end. In the past few months, I felt like I needed to get rid of a good bit of our baby stuff. It was almost an idol sitting in the storage building. To truly release control of having another child, it had to go. I saved a good bit with the intent of making a quilt from their baby clothes and saved a ton of blankets to pass on to them one day.
Lincoln initially said he wanted twins.... A boy and a girl. Now that we know there's just one, he wants a brother. Balance is good but a little scary for me, too. He still rocks my world with his boyness sometimes. Lauramae wants a sister. Coralee is far more flexible because she can logically see a good reason for a brother for Lincoln. All I have to go on is that I don't like the boy name we've discussed (Witten - my grandmother's maiden name) and I love the girl name (Annmarie - my Mom's middle name and mine). We've never agreed on the wrong name.
To turn things back around, I see that while my prayers for Ken at work weren't fulfilled the way I thought they should be but they were answered indeed. Maybe there will be another opportunity to go another day, another place. For now, I'm glad to be at home. Ken's brother & sister in law are expecting in September, my sister & brother in law are expecting in the end of October and we're due in early December. I prayed that my sister and I would be pregnant together so yet another answered prayer. What fun these cousins will have together!
